on first and fierce affirming sight of sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) #2 [abbott - avanine]
“Kiss me”
Hearing it from Ava’s voice seems almost like a dream. And Janine is fighting really hard with herself to not do it. She’s looking at Ava just across the couch. They are at opposite sides, looking at each other. The night had gone… not wrong. Janine had thought doing a new recipe would be easy and had failed. In the end they ordered takeout. It was clear Janine was nervous, and it was clear because she was talking non-stop until Ava had gently told her she didn’t need to worry about saying the wrong thing around her. It was weird for Janine to have Ava being so nice to her. She kept expecting the moment Ava would say it was all a big joke and of course she wasn’t interested in Janine. It didn’t matter that they had kissed before. Janine kept remembering how it had only happened when they were drunk. Janine kept thinking about what Erica had said, about kissing girls didn’t mean anything. How her heart broke, because she had thought that it had meant something that Ava had kissed her again the following week, how Janine had only agreed to go out because she hoped Ava would be there. That they would kiss again. It had taken all her courage and about 5 days for Janine to gather the courage to go to Ava, after work, and ask her to never kiss her again. Explaining she wasn’t interested in kissing for the sake of it. Somehow, Janine had left Ava’s office with a date that night. That’s how Janine ended up on the other side of the couch, looking right at Ava, trying to make sense of what the woman had said.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop if I do.”
The truth came out of her mouth before she could even process it. How could she explain this effect Ava had on her? How would she explain that she had been wanting to do it for so long?
“Then don’t.”
Ava tried her best not to sound like she was annoyed. Because she wasn’t. Maybe a little anxious that Janine hadn’t yet made the first move. That she hadn’t taken any of Ava’s hints to the point Ava had to ask Janine to kiss her directly. This was new territory to her too, this vulnerability. Ava had always been the type that got what she wanted. It really didn’t matter what or who, whenever she got her eyes on someone or something she would get it. But if she was honest to herself it wasn’t usual for her to be in love. Crushes, yeah, she understood them. But a kiss or a night had been good enough for her to lose interest altogether. It hadn’t happened with Janine though. Ava had tried to play her interest on the teacher as hate or annoyance, which worked really well; maybe too well. Ava didn’t mean to kiss Janine at the club, not that first time. Truth was, she had seen Janine dance with Gregory and it had awoken something inside her. Ava wasn’t immune to jealousy, she had had her fair share of it during her life. But to feel it at Janine, because of Gregory made her blood boil. It made her feel stupid, it was obvious that they liked each other. The entire school knew about it, it was hard to miss it really. So when Janine ended up dancing near Ava at the club and Ava saw Gregory was nowhere to be seen, she took the opportunity. It wasn’t an entirely conscious choice, definitely put to action because of the level of alcohol in her body. Ava made her way to Janine, the people dancing opening space for her automatically. Ava was hypnotic, she knew it. She took full advantage of it. It seemed Janine was immune to it, but not for long. Ava had held Janine and they danced, bodies touching deliciously. They kissed. Ava hoped it would be enough but it wasn’t.
“Ava” Janine’s voice brings her mind back up to the present. And Janine is not sure what to say. So she doesn’t say anything else, just moves until she’s straddling Ava. It seems like it takes both ages and half a second when their lips finally meet. It shouldn’t be surprising, Ava thinks, that Janine kisses with enthusiasm, that she’s all mouth and hands. It’s not at all what Ava expects but she’s glad it’s the way it is. Because the way Janine is kissing her makes her brain all foggy and her legs all soft and it’s hard to think of anything else